Essence of Manliness
by Ysavvryl
Summary: It's not just clean, it's Manly Clean!


**Essence of Manliness**

Frey was certainly shipping a lot of strange items lately. To keep the Norad Item Database up to date on Selphia's resources, Arthur ended up filling out many forms on unlisted items that the princess had shipped. This week's list was especially bizarre: dragon scales of all kinds, golem control stones, a chimera's tail, magic powders, a writhing gray wood she'd simply named 'Moving Branch'... a demon's chest hair? She was splitting her time between her farms and exploring an otherworldly location. Still, it was a wealth of powerful materials that were the dream of craftsmen to work with. Although some things seemed to be useless curiosities.

He noticed footsteps, but they came from above and behind him. Since someone was coming down the stairs, Arthur didn't pause in his work and continued making the records. That changed when a hand slammed down between piles of folders, causing an impatient thump on the wooden desk. Knowing the question that usually came with that thump, Arthur said, "I'm working on item records, Dylas. I can stop once I've got this week's listings complete."

"Can you stop now?" Dylas said, his words extra sharp tonight. Around sixty percent of what he said came out harsh; that percentage was that low only because he was more cordial when working as a waiter. Off the job, it was more like ninety percent harsh. This particular harshness usually meant there was something important that could require immediate attention.

"I could if it's important," Arthur said, setting his pen down and looking over at him. Dylas' eyes seem near angered as if he was almost sure that someone had played a joke on him; his tail was at an annoyed occasional flick. While it might be a practical joke, it'd help to check things out just to keep Dylas from exploding into a vengeful mood.

"Come upstairs," he said, heading back that way. Arthur got up and followed after him.

Partway up the stairs, it hit him. There was an odd scent in the air, one that made Arthur wrinkle his nose. There was a strong element of pine to it, like someone had been cleaning. Something else made it not just pine soap, an added scent that he wasn't sure about. On the second floor, he could see that the cleaning idea was right. The hallway outside of their rooms had been cleared of various things, the floors and walls shone, and even the windows were sparkling clean.

"Oh, did you clean up here today?" Arthur asked Dylas. "It's a very thorough job."

"No," he said, his black ears twitching.

"I think this was Meggy's doing," Porcoline said, coming out of his room. "Looks like her handiwork; she got the hall out here and put things in a pile just inside the doors."

"It's nice, I guess," Dylas said, "but what the heck did she use? It's not bad, but that scent is just, weird and makes me feel weird."

Porco rubbed his chin. "It's not any kind of food. Definitely pine-based, but whatever else is in there is odd. Makes me think of Leon. I wish it was food-based, that'd be more enjoyable. Somebody ought to invent a soap that smells like freshly baked bread; that would make me want to clean more!"

Taking a deep breath, Arthur tried to identify whatever it was. There was something familiar to it, yet not familiar as he couldn't say what the scent was. It did make him think of particular things, like many scents acted as triggers for memory. It was like... the break room for the Norad knights back in the castle he'd grown up in, the one that opened to the practice field and had a shower room attached. Like a fire pit that had meat slow roasting for a feast after a hunt. Like a group of bronzed muscle men at the beach showing off for the ladies in swimsuits. Like the rugged mountain men that held anything remotely feminine in total disdain, preferring to survive out in the wilderness based on their strength and masculine ingenuity.

"If there was an essence of manliness, I'd say this was a concentrated form of it," Arthur said.

Dylas frowned. "I'd say you were nuts but that is scarily accurate."

He smiled uneasily, feeling uncomfortable with it himself. "It's rather overpowering."

"Would much rather have a hallway that smelled like bread," Porco agreed.

Lighter footsteps came up the other stairs quickly as Margaret joined them. Grinning, she came right over. "Hey, there you guys are! Hope you don't mind that I cleaned up here."

"Thanks, although you didn't have to do this," Arthur said, falling into the stance he used when he had bad news for someone and wanted to avoid having them take it badly.

She hardly noticed. "Well I know it's not a public part of the building like downstairs, but you guys still live here. It's better that it feels and looks clean."

"That's very sweet of you," Porco said, happy that she'd thought of them but not sounding as lighthearted as usual. "Although we were just trying to figure out what you were using as the scent is unusual."

"It's really invigorating, isn't it?" Margaret asked, her eyes bright with enthusiasm. "Caught me by surprise, but it turned out great. I used pine soap as well as a cloth made of demon chest hair."

Dylas' jaw dropped and Porco stared at her blankly for a moment. If he hadn't been well trained in keeping a pleasant neutral expression in discussions, Arthur might have reacted just as openly. But something had to be said. "Are you sure that's safe?" he asked.

"Of course it is," she said, a little puzzled at their reactions. "They're natural materials, after all."

"H-how did you get a cloth made of demon chest hair?" Dylas asked.

Recalling that item from the shipping list, Arthur added, "Frey, right?"

Margaret nodded. "Yup! I was telling her about how I wanted to do this, but that I liked you guys too much to use the floral soaps just yet. While I did have the pine soap, I was all out of cleaning cloths. She agreed to let me make some at her place with extra materials she had lying around. The demon chest hair caught my attention, so we made a few to try. And just look, it turned out great! Except that it kind of disintegrated towards the end of the job, not something to last a while. Still adds that nice extra touch."

"Less of a touch and more of a punch," Dylas muttered.

"Ah, the disintegration would make it impractical as a cleaning material," Arthur said, hoping to convince Meg not to use it again. "Although this is a really good clean."

"Well you should keep it up or I will use the floral soaps one day," she said, in a tone that made it hard to tell if it was a tease or a threat. "Anyhow, sorry to come by and run off, but I promised Frey I'd come back for a card game night. Come by if you want!"

Arthur wanted to finish up the shipping records while Porco and Dylas excused themselves based on prep work in the kitchen. Margaret cheerily said good night to them and headed off for the castle. Once she was downstairs, Dylas said, "I don't what's weirder, that Meg used demon chest hair to clean or that Frey happened to have some lying around her place."

"You ought to see her shipping records from the past month," Arthur said. "But yes, that is one of the stranger things on it."

"Hmm, why don't we set up a weekly cleaning schedule for upstairs too so that she doesn't go using that material combination here again?" Porco suggested.

"Agreed," Arthur and Dylas said at once.

_A/N: This is based off a request Meg gave me in-game; she really wanted to clean with chest hair, dropped by the Greater Demon and described as being quite manly. The 'I don't know what's weirder' line popped up in my head immediately as I did have eight of the things in my storage chest. I would've thrown this into my bigger story, but logistics and considering how long it already is convinced me to post it as a separate little story. Hope it amused you._


End file.
